Followers

Friday, December 31, 2010

2010

what was it? well, it was... interesting. that seems to be my catch phrase lately. it was interesting. it started off fantastically. Brittany was the first major thing that happened. fun fun fun!! what better to do than spend a week with your best friends, minus 2. we had our quibbles which i feel i have to cower under the nearest table because it was about a guy. but overall it was fun. then was the summer. roads end farm 2010, a year to remember. new friends, old friends, and probably my best summer yet horse wise. all of the tears that stained my shirt as we left wont ever be forgotten. then off to carbondale. colorado was fantastic. but now comes the hard part. the 2010-2011 school year. hmm how to start. i dont want to recount all of it for my clean slate policy is still in act, but i will say, i have learned more in this year than i have in any other year. it was the whole idea of letting go that really made me realize what i was doing wrong this entire time. i was letting go. i didnt need to let go, but just put them away. so, the most important thing about this post, is the fact that i want to thank all of my followers for listening to me when i was, not depressed, but depressed. most of all, all of my friends (real friends) that helped me. thank you so much. you couldnt understand how much you helped me grow as a person. so.... what to take away from this year:

and most of all,



Love & happy almost 2011!!!,

Emiko

Monday, December 27, 2010

this is the last post... like this... at least for a while

its funny how one person can rob so much from you, not  in a over dramatic teenage way e.g HE TOOK MY HEART, no... not at all, but in material things. like songs you used to love or food that you adored but cant stand anymore because they remind you of a certain person or a memory. like i can no longer listen to Billionaire, granted it wasnt a fantastic song to begin with, without getting a giant knot in my stomach. also with Secrets and pumpkin pie. although i have somewhat rehabilitated my self from these considering the fact i ate pumpkin pie and listened to secrets this morning... but it just isnt the same. after the third or so bite of pumpkin pie, it all turns to ashes in my mouth and in the middle of secrets i blink and see that icy cold face. but now, i look back on my last blog post, and i was wrong. really really wrong. i cant just let go and pretend it never happened because it did. i have to remember in order to learn and make sure it wont happen again. this relationship proved everything i thought about middle school relationships. they are stupid and pointless because no one really cares. everyone sugar coats it and blames it on home life and how it is hard for everyone. every time, it boils down to not caring enough. the thing that truly pissed me off about this, was having to find me again. even though change is frequent, when people are together they change together and all this change seems WAY less radical. you will never be the same person you were a year ago and neither will i. i thought i was done looking for me when i found my best friend last year, but this entire school year has changed me so much, i actually have to look for a new me. i have to figure out who the new me is and hopefully i will find that this new me is better than the old me.

all of this realization kind of ties in with my next topic: resolutions


  1. I will never completely "let go" of anything. you learned something from it and if you forget that thing entirely, you will continue to make the same mistakes continuously. 
  2. I will no longer drag on this slightly depressing strand of events on this blog.
  3. I will always start the day with a positive thought
  4. I won't date for the rest of 8th grade.
  5. I will be me, whoever me is no one will change who I am.


Love & The last post like this for a while,

Emiko

Thursday, December 23, 2010

letting go

the crane floated away softly. gliding on the water leaving a ripple in its wake. i let out a long breath. now its gone, something i am never going to think about again. just one thing i am letting go of forever.

and thats it. the new tradition. me sitting on my day bed, blasting music, and writing down one thing that i want to forget about this year. i then fold it into an imperfect, just like me, crane and set it free on the pond outside our house. and, its gone. out of my memory forever.

The first one




 The second and first ones




so i plan to do this until the new year, and the day before the new year, i will write my hopes for the new year on a blue crane and set it free with the others.

Love & Probably Over Sentimental Actions,

Emiko

Monday, December 20, 2010

its just that one little imperfection

there has been one little thing that has been really bugging me since the start of vacation and i came to, i dont want to say amends because we arent friends but we simply parted ways after a long smoldering silence between us. it was a huge relief for that weight to be taken off of my shoulders. but a while ago at the school dance/social depending on what you call it and my recent X was there and ignoring me. this was fine really. i didnt really care. i personally hate these socials but i am on student council so i have to attend. anyway, for the last dance i decided not to be a hermit/loner person so i danced with this guy to that song Secrets by One Republic, and while i was dancing with this other guy my X made eye-contact with me and gave me the most venomous look i have ever received in my life. it literally made the blood in my veins feel like they turned to ice. this awful look has, i know how creepy and odd this sounds, come to haunting me in a way. it is the one end that is not tied in my social life. every time i close my eyes i cant escape his ice-y stare. but yeahh i just have to let go, i am trying to upload a pic of the dance, but its not working....




hope you enjoy some slightly modern christmas music... its actually pretty good! i like it so i hope you do too! Enjoy!

Love & A desperate attempt to end this post happily,

Emiko

Thursday, December 16, 2010

this is me

i hope you do one day become who you are. in a way it sounds stupid, like in the way a 3 year old would say "of course you should be who you are" type of thing but it is really true. i guess it is one of those sad things about growing up. i have finally come to peace with myself. i have made several promises to myself including most importantly, not compromising who i am to make someone like me. i AM going to be me. another is not going out with anyone for the next year to make it nearly impossible to bend promise number one.now all of the ends are tied in a wonderful bow just in time for X-mas break. i can leave feeling accomplished and come back with a fresh new slate. i have lost some friends but finally this entire tangled situation into neat knots, well, mostly. its complicated but at the same time, it is utter sanity for me. i am finally making myself happy. i am happy to be me. i have my blog followers, my family, my dogs, my life, my freedom and that is a lot more than so many people in this world. i cant promise a perfect year, but i can strive to be the best me there is and thats all i can wish for.



Love & Peace at Last,

Emiko

Friday, December 10, 2010

another fairytale ends...


sadly, today another fairytale came to an end. It mostly started yesterday when I was on facebook editing my friends group, which is a really handy tool, when I realized I only had one person in my guy best friend group. Some of you might think that its trivial and nothing to get worked up about but it seemed so much more full with two other people in it. It was a depressing moment for me. It forced me to reflect on some of the more painful moments of this school year. This miniscule event surfaced hundreds of events that make me want to crawl into bed, recently my only safe haven. I was happy last night to escape to my bed at a reasonable hour but when I woke up it all started again. (insert long and whining story here in which I decided to delete) I guess the moral of the story is, people make promises that they cant keep, especially regarding change within themselves. Exceptionally so at this age, teens just aren’t mature enough to see what they need to change within themselves in order to make a better long term future, versus a better tomorrow. In regard to the picture on the right I find it extremely true. There are times when I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning just to avoid meeting the problems at school because, over time they just wore me down. I know of two people that can help me. One can only help me for a little while and the one that could cure me forever sadly wont. The ultimate cure seemed possible for a while but that dream was shattered long ago. Now I just have to learn to get through it myself. It all starts once I get it through my thick skull that I need to make myself happy before I try to make other people happy.

Friday, December 3, 2010

i have finally figured it out

So, for the longest time, I have always loved summer. I never knew why until just about 2 minutes ago when I was thinking about relationships. Summer is the season that frees bonds. It is the metaphorical key to the shackles that imprison me while I am at school. No matter where you go or how much a school enforces and polices “cliques” and crap, they are inevitable. Because of that, there is this kind of standard or idea that you have to live up to in order to a) become ‘popular’ and b) has ‘everything’.  For me especially during summer, I am not with the same group of people long enough to realize what their idea of ‘perfect’ is. During the school year, there is this RETARDED unwritten rule about dating. I guess it varies depending on the school, but here, it is: girls can date guys in the grade above them or in their same grade and guys (rarely) date girls in their own grade, but prey on the younger grade instead. If you are screaming in your head right now… you have the right idea. It is INSANE! Summer allows you to be who you really are and more importantly sort out and recognize your feelings for maybe one of your closest friends. It is also the time of great revelation. For example, this summer, I figured out why I am the way I am. When I was little, I used to always watch princess movies. I LOVED the Disney princess movies. Somehow, Prince Charming would find out and appreciate me. How wrong was I? Apparently really wrong. Anyway, that’s just the way that I am and ill have to deal with it. So I just wanted to share in a way, but kind of vent at the same time. I guess it is kind of a lot to take in at one time. Actually its not that bad, I’ve experienced worse but somehow, keeping it in made me feel like I was going to vomit in an odd way. Very odd. I might as well carry on. So the picture on the right, is kind of sad I guess. Sad in like true way. People are always saying relax, just be yourself. When people say that to me now, I know I am under scrutiny so I am anything but myself. I kind of become this nervous shell of me. I guess that’s not a good thing. Probably a flaw in my character but I guess it is at least good to realize that. On the other hand, it might not be healthy to be thinking about all of the flaws in my character… it’s a no win situation. Its kind of ironic too because I am supposed to be optimistic according to the etymology of my name and my astrological sign (OOHHH big words) but I think that I am the most pessimistic person I know. That’s slightly sad. I guess those kinds of things aren’t always true anyway. I still don’t even know if I believe in them. Sometimes they seem so right like they are perfectly on track for what is happening in my life at the present but then other times, they seem completely WRONG in every way, opposites almost. Also today, I finally was woken up to reality when I was hit by a snowball of sorts. I have sadly been replaced by a friend which is never a nice thing to experience. It isn’t like this hasn’t happened to me before, but now its different. I actually have this empty pit in my stomach. It isn’t huge, but I can still feel it there. It is I guess most like an emptiness that attempts to fill its self with questions, and the fact that his new “best friend” just so happens to be someone who despises me for reasons that are still unknown to me doesn’t help. My mind is now flooded, asking myself what I did wrong, even though I know it probably wasn’t anything I did but more what I wasn’t. The worst part about it, is really the fact that subconsciously I knew we were drifting apart but actually telling me that he has a new Best Friend is just sad. It’s sad to think that I, we, were his friends and he can just pick up and move away from us, just like that. I just don’t understand. And I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I still do. So now I am off dreaming again about this “perfect guy” how teenager of me. Sometimes I just want to kill the teenager inside of me. So my friend found these songs on youtube and they are really pretty nice. Hope you like them. (just by the way, the picture/conversation on the left I thought was really cute so.. enjoy!



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

things i LOVE about winter



  1. first snowfall
  2. first snowball fight
  3. the cold reality when a cold snowball hits your face!
  4. hot chocolate
  5. winter break
  6. snowflakes
  7. icicles
  8. baking gingerbread
  9. hanging stockings
  10. putting up a christmas tree or menorah... take your pick
  11. the pure magic of a winter night
  12. that perfect moment when the snow lights up at night because of the stars
  13. the school wide snowball fight!! (had the first one today!!)
  14. having the ability to put on a really puffy coat that might make you look fat, but everyone does so its ok!!
  15. being able to wear an absurd hat all day long (even when im inside!! SOCK MONKEY HATS RULE!)
  16. frost that makes pretty patterns on my window in the morning
  17. the spicy smell of pumpkin pie (NOMNOM)
  18. peace day
  19. galloping on a horse through a snow covered field
  20. making snow angels
  21. getting REALLY cold and coming inside for hot chocolate with marshmallows
  22. snowboarding
  23. colorado
  24. putting on my dogs little jackets (they are SO cute)
  25. santa claus
  26. christmas carols (i have been singing them for about a month already-guilty pleasure)
  27. that warm and fuzzy feeling of giving
  28. new years resoloutions
  29. staying up until 12 to watch the ball drop!!
  30. setting off those streamer things in the new year
  31. last day of school
  32. dogs in the snow
  33. white-ness of everything
  34. spending nearly an entire lunch period outside
  35. wearing layers
  36. SNOW DAYS
  37. the night before a (hoped) snow day and all of its rituals: spoon under pillow and PJ's inside out.
  38. preparing for a snow day and getting it
  39. first mitten day of the year
  40. first hat day of the year
  41. travel
  42. gifts
  43. holiday spirit
  44. ripping of paper on the 25th
  45. stocking stuffers
  46. casserole for breakfast on X-mas morning!
  47. harry and david pears
  48. baking
  49. the night before X-mas
and finally

50. the fact that it is the season of light...

Monday, November 29, 2010

the b-day post

so as some of you may have know... my birthday was on friday!! so i was just going to tell you guys what i got!!!
ok so, first on the list:

1. a pair of Ray-ban wayfarers, i cant find a picture of the ones i got, but i will take a pic and show you)



2. these tokidoki for sephora makeup bags that are
 SUPER CUTE!! not to mention i am in dire need of new ones since mine might have kinda died.... but yeahh








3. Miss Marc Tee!!!!!  which i LOVE!!! funny thing is that my friend tried it on for size at the shop and fell in love with it and almost didnt give it to me... but then she thought she would feel awful... i guess it is just that awesomee!!!








4. DELISH sounding face mask!!!! NOMNOM!! that just sounds so good!!! RAWR!! i cant wait to try it!!!

and that is a quick summary of what i got for my birthday!!!! if i get more time i will do a more in depth one complete with pictures and stuff!!!

Love & Gifts,

Emiko

Wednesday, November 24, 2010













So... that was LoNdOn in a nutshell.... sorry some/most of the pix are sideways but.. I AM EXHAUSTED!!!! i havent been on in forever... and i will blog more!!!! I WILL BEAT PROCRASTINATION! i will... do not worry. homework will get done faster... i have been very lazy lately... it is almost like my mind is on vacation already even thought there is like 3 more weeks of school... agghh winter holidays are just so awesome!!! i guess i am soon due for my 50 favorite things about winter!!! YIPPEEE!!! those are so much fun to do!!

Love & London,
Emiko

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

SeVeN tHiNgS




just fyi... this post has nothing to do with that godly awful song by miley cyrus... if you think it is... i would suggest looking at a different blog...
 
1. Thank and link back to who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass it along to 7 blogs you've recently discovered and enjoy.
4. Leave the recipients a comment, telling them about the award.

Soo yess... first thing on the agenda... THANK YOU SO MUCH Meleonieeee!!
her blog is amazing!! if you arent following i suggest you do so!! SO AWESOME!!!! on to objective 2 now: seven things you dont know about me:
 
 
1. i love my unicorn mittens (the right one is called buttercup and the left one is called lavender)
2. i am (very) afraid of birds
3.  i play the bass clarinet (dont even tell me... i already know i am a dork)
4. i believe in magic, unicorns, love at first sight, and true love.
5. i wish no one told me santa wasnt real because my heart wants to believe.
6. i have two dogs and a watermelon panda (i made that animal up!! :D)
7. i love maroon and sparkly nail polish!!

so.... yeah.. RANDOM... you dont have to tell me. just to reassure all of you... i do NOT do drugs!! it is the truth. i am a child inside.. :D  Part 3... seven ELEPHANTASTICAL bloggss of my choosing...

2. thegeekybunnie at thegeekybunnie ♥  (it is a website...but it is so cool!!) 
3. αndrεαs* at MY BEAUTIFUL DISASTER  
4. Amy at A Tree Grows  
6. Nicole at The Nicky Pages  
7. Emily at Young and Wild  
 
So.. the final item... i am now going to travel to the unknown territory of your blogs to leave you all comments!!

Love & Versatility,

Emiko

Saturday, November 13, 2010

trip, stumble, and fall upon....

the other day i was looking for the song Lucky by Jason Mraz online. actually i was looking for what the song was called becuase one of my friends was telling me this song where there was this awsesome that she recalled had a line like, "i fell in love with my best friend" So i typed this into my google search box and this quote website came up. i am i think addicted to quotes or something so i opened the website and there were all of these adorably sad quotes and... yeah... i feel like sharing... (most of them are anonymous... just fyi)



He was never my boyfriend, but I miss his hugs, his smiles, his advice, his love, his kindness, the times we cried together, and the times we laughed together. I guess I fell in love with our friendship.

Sometimes, when you imagine a perfect guy, you realize you've described a person you've known forever.

It was just you and me. Two friends. And then with a simple look, my hand fell into yours.
It hurts to fall in love with a friend. You keep on hiding your feelings, avoiding it as mush as possible, till you cry your heart out of fear of losing a friend and a love you never really had

You eased the pain when I faked the wound, you calmed me down when I faked the mood, you were instantly there when I faked the call, but why didn't you catch me? I didn't fake the fall.

So everyone asks whatever happened to us, the two best friends that were crazy about each other, I always answer with that you were crazy and walked away from it all.
I know they say that a girl and guy can be best friends without anything between them but it just isn’t true. At some point they will fall for one another. If we’d said how we’d felt would we have been good together? If we had broken up, would we still be friends? Is it any use wondering now? I’ll always deeply regret the fact we never told each other how we felt. We would have been perfect together, I promise. But we’ve moved on, I guess, and we’ll only ever be friends. I’ll always love you so much more than I should and forever dream of how we could have lived. I’ll watch you fall in and out of love from my little chair in the corner of your mind as you watch me do the same, whilst sitting in the corner of mine. One day we’ll look at each other and smile, realizing that a friendship is worth more than regret because if I can’t have you as my friend, my life is not worth living.-punkyfairydude  (on bolt)

You made me hurt.  I loved you but I was so scared of losing you that I never said anything.  I let myself think we could never be more than friends.  I made my heart fall away.  But why now, as I fall for someone else, do you turn to me and tell me that I could have had so much more?- punkyfairydude (on bolt)

You walk by me everyday and say hello. Everyday you take time out to listen to me. You talk to me, smile at me, laugh with me, and have fun with me. Well I talk, smile and laugh too, but inside I'm hurting. Deep down it hurts to be with you because I love you and you are only a friend.

So the ones highlighted in blue are my faves... and the yellows were the other ones i like but still not the very best... i know.... they are sad. but i dont know, i kind of like them.

Love & Quotage,

Emiko 



Thursday, November 11, 2010

photography

          
Beijing hearts...

Junk

kinda odd but cute

that is a beer cap.. i know.. oddities

make a wish...and...blow

mother natures window

rainier.. so peaceful

robby

best place on earth...






so.. some of these arent amazing... but to me they feel homey i guess. i need a bit of homey today... so here is some of that!! :D

Love & Photography Skills (or lack of them),

Emiko

Sunday, November 7, 2010

50 things i love about fall

  1. the smell of fallen leaves
  2. hot apple cider with homemade cinnamon doughnuts
  3. picking apples
  4. riding donkeys
  5. eating chicken pot pie
  6. my birthday (november 26th just fyi)
  7. starry nights
  8. crisp mornings
  9. fun with friends
  10. the odd bits of drama that are very annoying at the time but hilarious a week later
  11. colors
  12. putting on a trendy new coat
  13. wearing my uggs for the first time
  14. putting on my earmuffs on a cold morning
  15. football games at school with friends
  16. seeing two of your best friends kissing because you helped
  17. that warm fuzzy feeling of coming inside after walking into the school building on a cold day
  18. everyones red noses
  19. hot chocolate
  20. learning old secrets
  21. and then not caring that you didnt know before (actually appreciating it)
  22. listening to music under the falling canopy of leaves
  23. new friends
  24. getting back to school...kinda
  25. welllll thats it for now... but i will add more!!!!!
  26. (continuing) funny hats- in my case a sock monkey!!
  27. Unicorn mittens
  28. Walking out of the school building after a long day (refers to #18)
  29. The first leaf fight of the year!!
  30. first snowball fight of the year
  31. raking leaves
  32. Sitting down to a hot fire in the fireplace
  33. the last bit of an indian summer
  34. fall break
  35. seeing dogs in little coats!!
  36. getting closer to the wonderful white land we call winter
  37. the smell of a light rain (we get that a lot...)
  38. that sweet melancholy feeling of summer you get when that last warm breeze blows past
  39. family time
  40. fresh maple syrup
  41. on pancakes (ref. #41)
  42. chili on a cold day
  43. dreaming
  44. cloud gazing
  45. seeing Sagittarius in the stars
  46. watching the sunrise on the way to school since it comes up so late
  47. thinking of christmas
  48. becoming older (and wiser too)
  49. always getting up after we fall (mentally and physically)