its funny how one person can rob so much from you, not in a over dramatic teenage way e.g HE TOOK MY HEART, no... not at all, but in material things. like songs you used to love or food that you adored but cant stand anymore because they remind you of a certain person or a memory. like i can no longer listen to Billionaire, granted it wasnt a fantastic song to begin with, without getting a giant knot in my stomach. also with Secrets and pumpkin pie. although i have somewhat rehabilitated my self from these considering the fact i ate pumpkin pie and listened to secrets this morning... but it just isnt the same. after the third or so bite of pumpkin pie, it all turns to ashes in my mouth and in the middle of secrets i blink and see that icy cold face. but now, i look back on my last blog post, and i was wrong. really really wrong. i cant just let go and pretend it never happened because it did. i have to remember in order to learn and make sure it wont happen again. this relationship proved everything i thought about middle school relationships. they are stupid and pointless because no one really cares. everyone sugar coats it and blames it on home life and how it is hard for everyone. every time, it boils down to not caring enough. the thing that truly pissed me off about this, was having to find me again. even though change is frequent, when people are together they change together and all this change seems WAY less radical. you will never be the same person you were a year ago and neither will i. i thought i was done looking for me when i found my best friend last year, but this entire school year has changed me so much, i actually have to look for a new me. i have to figure out who the new me is and hopefully i will find that this new me is better than the old me.
all of this realization kind of ties in with my next topic: resolutions
- I will never completely "let go" of anything. you learned something from it and if you forget that thing entirely, you will continue to make the same mistakes continuously.
- I will no longer drag on this slightly depressing strand of events on this blog.
- I will always start the day with a positive thought
- I won't date for the rest of 8th grade.
- I will be me, whoever me is no one will change who I am.
Love & The last post like this for a while,
Emiko
Hey Emi!
ReplyDeleteSo you're gonna think I'm kinda mad but what you just said reminds me of when Mindy died. For a while I tried to pretend that it didn't happen but when someone dies, you can't forget them. It's something that will be with you for the rest of you life. I liked the origami idea, but maybe if you do feel he need to write things down is to make a box where you put these letters, notes, origami ect. And keep it somewhere in your room. It can be somewhere hidden as long as you remember that it is there, and whenever you feel you're ready read over the notes from time to time. Another thing, don't stop dating. When Mindy died it took me two months to recover but by then all I wanted was to get another cat. Stopping dating is just making you remember time and time again that bad experience you had, whereas if in a couple of months you try again it will give you something new to focus on!
Love you!
Lara
Lara,
ReplyDeleteits not like im never dating again, its just not this year. i need some time and anyway, its not like there is anyone here anyway... you know that. but the letters is a good idea, not completely gone, but just not the center of my attention. thanks for the idea!
Love & Creativity,
Emiko
Emi,
ReplyDeleteI hope that you stopping this blog does not mean that you will keep bottling the feelings down. I agree with lara and you need to find another way to express these. And I truly hope that you find this "new me" but just if you had any doubts, I like either you, even if you dont know which "you" you are yet... Sorry If this does not make too much sense, and I wish I could have told you in person, but when your halfway across the globe, this is as close as I can get to you... So try to have a good vacation, this is a time for you to take a break from the cruelties of school. Have a nice break, and make sure to smile when you read this, this is the purpose of this comment... :)
Love, and I truly mean it,
Loulou
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!! WHO SAID I AM STOPPING THIS BLOG!!!!!! im not stopping blogging!! NO WAY!!! im just taking on a new outlook... like a chameleon... im just not going to be depressing anymore!!! love dont worry about me!! i am better than ever!!
ReplyDeleteLove & AWESOME!!!
Emiko
Hey! Well, I have made my resolutions too and I posted about them... I agree with the first one and I am trying to do it but I can't... I don't know if I manage in the new year... I will try...
ReplyDeleteI am trying to "adopt" a certain style in my blog but I don't know... Maybe the fact that I make different posts reflects my weird personality... I don't know. I have to think about it. :/
Maria,
ReplyDeletei read your resolutions already and they are really good. i think that it is really important for people to make resolutions because it gives everyone something defined to work for and on for the new year. as for your blog style... NO WORRIES!! you should read some of my first blog posts.. they are totally different then the deep and ever so slightly depressing posts i have been doing lately. your blog should be you on a web page and the more varied the topics you blog on, i just think of you as a really real person! i love reading peoples blogs who arent the same post every week. that just gets boring. i like being surprised!
Love & Blogi-ness,
Emiko