and the season, they go round and round...

i have been trying to post for the last week, i cross my heart and pinky swear, but every time i start and get a couple of sentences in, it just doesnt feel right.  it has also come to my attention i have "not been the same" since the auditions for our school play, treasure island an i could see how my best friend here could come to that conclusion. the conscious decisions i have made lately have been taking a toll on my mental strength to say the least. deciding what to do and when to do it has been proving to be a difficult task. the other day, i was looking through an old scrapbook of mine and i came across some pictures of me horse back riding when i was six. i thought of the pony, Jiminy Cricket and had a sudden urge to find the rest of the pictures.when i found them, i scanned them onto the computer and since then it has really sunk in. i miss being that oblivious. nothing mattered to me except for Mr. Cricket and me. it was a fantasy world i made for myself. i miss being in a place where no one could touch me. i was the best at everything without having to stress, i had a pony. since then, so much has changed. Jim got put down almost two years ago, I found my soul-mate of a best-friend, i fell in and out of "love" if you can even consider its out there and now im sitting on a fence, i have screwed up my social life and then restored it to a manageable state. and now, all i can think about is that one verse in the circle game:

And the seasons,

they go round and round,

and the painted ponies go up and down.

We're captured on a carousel of time.

We can't return,

we can only look,

behind from where we came

and go round and round and round in the circle game.

Love & Melancholy,
Emiko